My Brothers, Yesterday, I received the new 2011 calendar. When I turned to the month of June my heart stopped. A Police Unity Tour Rider looked back at me. That rider is Jersey City Police Officer Jane Louf. We tragically lost Jane to suicide on August 1, 2010. Jane and I enjoyed a Father/Daughter type relationship. I met her when she became a Hudson County Sheriff’s Officer. No one could miss her, not even in a crowd. She always wore a smile that melted the heart of anyone who looked at her. We never lost contact after her transfer to the Jersey City Police Department.
On that tragic Christmas night in 2005, Jane and her partner chased after Rob and Shawn on the Lincoln Highway Bridge attempting to warn them that the bridge was open. She watched in horror as the ESU truck plunged 45 feet into the water below. Jane’s partner actually had to prevent Jane from jumping off the bridge in an attempt to save them. This and many other tragedies were carried around by Jane for years. Here was a beautiful girl with a beautiful smile who was crying on the inside.
During my first Unity Tour Ride in 2008 I met a mental barrier when we approached the bridge in Delaware. I was convinced that I could not make that bridge. There appeared Jane Louf and Mike Stise, Jane saw in my face that I was ready to quit. She told me “ Put your head down and don’t look up. Keep peddling and I’ll stay with you all the way.” I made it! Nothing was impossible to me over the next three days. Jane and I had a long conversation during the 2010 tour. I was upset that I was not on my bike with my team due to setback and had to settle for a ride in the trailer.
Next thing I knew Jane was in the trailer with me and in distress. God sometimes places people together in strange ways and circumstances. Now I understood why I was off my bike. When I learned of Jane’s suicide I partially blamed myself for not calling her in over a month. I know from my training that I cannot save everyone but I hear her words over and over in my head “I’ll stay with you all the way.” I feel like I did not do the same for her.
I truly believe from what I learned and experienced that suicide by a police officer can sometimes be justified as “In The Line of Duty”. When you do what I do you come to understand that so many officers carry around a lot of job related issues over the years. They are faced with administrations that don’t care about their mental health, peers that look upon them as weak, distrust in municipal programs, fear of losing their jobs. Jane’s name will not be placed on the memorial wall but I take great solace in knowing she was partly responsible in raising the funds for it over the years and seeing her face in the 2011 calendar.
From the bottom of my heart I thank you both and all the staff that work so hard to keep memories alive. May God send you all his Blessings.
Deacon Robert A. Baker, Sr. MBA, CFE
Chaplain, Ambassasdor, Crisis Counselor
Jersey City Police, Hudson County Sheriff
Rest in peace Jane
ReplyDeleteThe JCPD Team will keep you in our hearts as we ride back to Washington in 2011.
Kevin
Beautifully written tribute to Jane. I tend to also believe that when an officer takes their own life, it can also sometimes be considered In The Line Of Duty. We see way too much, and are supposed to feel way too little. It's not human to program yourself to be that way for a minimum of 20+ years.
ReplyDeleteRIP Jane.
Your sister-in-arms
Jane was a hero and in her short life she gave back and did more than most will ever do. Thank You for writting such a beautiful and touching article for my bestfriend "Loufy".
ReplyDeleteAnother Line of Duty not seen as such...RIP.
ReplyDeleteThat was very touching to read. The stress and trauma of this profession can destroy a person. Sometimes you feel you can't turn to anyone other then coworkers. Family is supportive, but will never truly get it, the public we serve doesn't recognize or appreciate what we do when we sacrifice so much of our lives simply to make thiers better...I also agree that suicide caused by trauma suffered while on duty whether mental or physical should be considered.
ReplyDeletethat was said so well about my friend! i love and miss her so much! When she would let her gurad down, she had a lot of pain but never would i had thought this!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful tribute to a beautiful girl. Rest in peace Jane, your a hero to us all and will be so missed but never forgotten!!
ReplyDeleteAnyone that knows Jane knows how much she believed in signs.So I do not find it ironic that she appeared in this calender it's a sign of her looking down on us all.She worked very hard through the years raising money for any benefit & especially The Unity Tour. She was the first one to donate to any cause. Her family & close friends did a walk in her honor for American Foundation for Suicide Prevention we were team "Jane's Smile" we will continue to do these walks in her honor. At the event we met people there walking in honor of another officer who took their life & they were speaking on how they wanted to raise awareness to this growing problem.Jane meant so much to so many, so having her featured in this calender really means a lot even though many don't know her story. She was brave ,tough,beautiful, & caring thank you for the letter & for the editors of the calender for having such good taste .Little did they know they chose our Angel for the month of June. We love you Jane! always & forever your best friend Peggy
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing that beautiful tribute about Jane. Anyone that knew her knew she was always the first one to lend a hand, offer advice, show support or flash that smile. It is so refreshing to know that people continue to not only remember Jane, but remember the best in her.
ReplyDeleteJane, I truly miss you with every piece of my heart. I love you my best friend and Angel.
Dana
Deacon Baker, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing such a beautiful honor for my niece Jane. It is very sad that her name will never be on the wall of honor, but hopefully in the future, suicide will not be looked as shame, but as a desperate measure for seeking help in regards to the the work related tragedies that Police Officers incur on a daily basis.
ReplyDeleteDeacon Baker, Thank you for the heartfelt and beautiful words written for my cousin Jane. She had gone through more in the past 10 years than any person should have to endure in two lifetimes. She was a warm and caring person who helped others and put her own struggles aside.
ReplyDeletePolice Officers face uncertainty everyday and can't just leave the day behind. What they must see and do could crush the strongest of soles. I would hope that in the near future more is done to help heal the unseen wounds that many officers carry everyday. Thank you for your support to them and their families.
What a wonderful tribute to not only a friend but to one who gave all to others and in turn by giving all it took all from her....God Bless all of those who serve as Police Officers...there is no duty too small and no thanks BIG enough for all they do!!!!
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